Friends. Photography. Adventure.

In Africa…

Judge not your beauty by the number of people who look at you, but rather by the number of people who smile at you. African Proverb

I was planning to write about my favourite hotel for the ‘My Happy Place’ prompt, but then an arse got in the way…
2015-03-08 11.20.33Yesterday I was at an event about increasing access to safe abortion and contraception for women in Africa. After the speeches came the networking and I found myself catching up with a Kenyan woman I’d previously worked with. As she bent over to get her new card from her bag, a man walked past and knocked into her. Apologies exchanged, she glanced my way, rolled her eyes and said: “My arse is in the next postcode.”
Oh, how I love the no nonsense attitude to body shape and size common to many African countries. I have travelled to Africa many many times, but never as a tourist. I work in villages and hospitals and schools and I sit and chat with people whose questions and opinions are not diluted by the rules of tourism or customer service. And there are no barriers!
She and I stood at the back of an austere room in the House of Lords yesterday hooting with laughter as I told her about my first visit 13 years ago, where in Rwanda I was surrounded by six or seven women who at first stared at and then poked my arse before chattering loudly, dissolving into hysterical contagious laughter and slapping their thighs with glee. I looked at my translator. “They are saying your behind is very flat,” he said, with no trace of embarrassment.
Fast forward to last year and I’m sat on a wall in Nigeria pondering a manky toenail:
Her: What has happened to your toenail?
Me: I went running and my nails were too long so it’s got a bit bruised.
Her: You are running! Are you SERIOUS? How far? A few metres?
Me: No, I’m training for a marathon.
Her: Oh my! God have mercy on you, running with your weight.
There was no cruelty intended in either of these exchanges, they were just statements of fact. Of course, media-promoted ideals are creeping in in the same way I noticed in Brazil earlier this year, but, if I were going to make a sweeping statement about a continent of 54 countries for the sake of a blog post, I’d say (based on my experience) beauty is a pretty democratic thing. And big is often beautiful.
2015-03-09 10.09.30One of the first stories I worked on, way back in 2002, was about the Miss Fats Beauty Pageant in South Africa. In Burkina Faso a previous winner of the national beauty contest weighed in at 18 stone, double the weight of some contestants. Yesterday my colleague and I found ourselves chatting about the character in Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Americanah whose body is appreciated more by her Nigerian lover after she returns from America, gives up the quinoa and takes up a fried plantain habit.
I have a friend of similar height and weight to me who lived in Africa for many years and also travels there frequently for work. We had a conversation once about how much sexier and attractive we both feel there. In many of the countries and communities we have worked in, our body types are much more in keeping with what is regarded as gorgeous and sought after and it would be pointless to pretend that this isn’t a nice feeling when at home we often feel the opposite.
My personality also seems to somehow fit better there. Don’t get me wrong, I am perfectly happy with myself wherever in the world I am, but I’m not shy, I laugh loudly, I ask direct questions, I offer blunt feedback, I eat salad with my fingers in smart restaurants, and I rarely say no to an extra portion or a last glass. I fit in well in places where they comment on your arse within five minutes of meeting you! Although I must admit even I was lost for words when earlier this year a woman I’d never met before greeted me with a squeeze of my breast to check whether I was ripe…
I’ve been pondering a post about Africa and body image pretty much since I started this blog at the end of February. In fact, the images here were snapped in preparation way back in March. I can share some of my personal reflections and anecdotes as I have done here, but that is one perspective and only scratches the surface. I am interested in delving deeper and bringing in other voices.
Yesterday afternoon we didn’t just cover arses, we ran the gamut from arses to stomachs to ‘what’s the point of underwear that creates a lie?’ to getting naked with new partners. Someone walked over and said “I’m watching you two, you’re making me laugh.”
My email pinged last night: “Let’s continue that conversation.”
I replied enthusiastically.
This morning: “Then let’s find an event serving wine!”
She’s right. Women like us aren’t suited to cucumber sandwiches and china teacups in fusty old buildings.
Wicked Wednesday


  1. Marie Rebelle

    Isn’t it interesting how body images differ from country to country. Woman in Europe prefer a flat ass and in Africa they are found to be a curiosity, and laughed at. I have quite a round ass and always say it’s my (South) African genes that caused it. I’ll happily join you at an event serving wine… I definitely fit better there too 🙂
    I would love to read more about your experiences with Africa and body image.
    Rebel xox

  2. cherrytartblog

    I think it would be really interesting to read more. Both from you and others, the west’s obsession with skinny perfection is so unhealthy.

  3. F Dot Leonora

    bring that lady to new york too! because it seems i would love her as much as i love you!xxx

  4. HappyComeLucky

    Nothing wrong with a china tea cup as it often comes with a slice of cake or a scone.
    In my work, I have developed very close relationships with people from a whole range of backgrounds. Even at a very subconscious level, I feel different working with people from very slim cultures to those where curves are celebrated. It isn’t explicit, but I do wonder in the slim cultures what they think of me and I do find myself trying not to take up too much room.
    I would love everyone to embrace that complete and genuine body positivity that runs through some communities. If nothing else, the open nature of it leaves very little ice needing to be broken.

  5. Miss Scarlet

    Your lovely post has made me think of the No 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series of books, which are set in Botswana. Mma Ramotswe, the owner of the agency, is described as being ‘traditionally built’ – an expression I love and like to use myself!

  6. Modesty Ablaze (@ablazingmodesty)

    Wonderful, wonderful post . . . it’s always interesting to be reminded of how different people, different cultures, different viewpoints see things in completely different ways to what some people perceive to be the norm, or most desired !
    Loved reading . . .
    Xxx – K

  7. Tabitha Rayne

    What a lovely post.
    Just shows how what a difference attitudes do make to how we feel.
    I love the refreshing innocent directness you talk about. I have a Dutch friend who always tells it like it is. Love her! No malice – just truth!
    X x x

  8. melina greenport

    I loved reading this. Encourages me to travel more. How liberating to be away from strict and closed western preferences . Do please blog about this again as the conversation continues–and pass the plantains my way! xoM

  9. Twiglet @ 100AcreSub

    Different world views are so important. It’s why I regret not knowing more languages. But a question about the size perceptions.. Beauty has been linked to wealth and displays of wealth across societies. Thin tone bodies in the West are valued because these are the women who can afford to spend their time and money on the gym and their bodies. In contrast wealth elsewhere in the world is shown by access to food and ‘not labour’. The consequences and display of this wealth are larger women. I like though how women you speak with are able to rejoice in it regardless and be frank about their bodies. That to me is the beauty of them perhaps because it’s what Englishness doesn’t easily allow for.
    Humbly twigs

    • Exposing40

      Certainly fat as a status symbol and sign of wealth is something that has been common in many cultures over the centuries, including our own in years gone by, and today in developing countries that is increasingly common – particularly in India. Although I touched on fat in my point about the beauty pageants what I meant to get at more was about the appreciation of different body types and shapes – fat or not. Many of the women I have met in Africa are very tall, very broad and generally quite ‘robust’ but not necessarily overweight and they are definitely very much in demand!

      • Twiglet

        Thank you for clarifying, I agree the appreciation of different bodies is awesome and to be celebrated. And yes absolutely larger women were adored in Europe (renaissance art). I didn’t mean necessarily only fat women either though – with abundance of food as improved diets enables more robust frames and height 🙂 see for eg the increase in height in Japan over two generations with more meat consumption. I was just wondering about how beauty is culturally and economically derived. I wasn’t saying it was bad or that they shouldn’t be in demand. In a way I was lamenting how beauty in Europe is such a class issue.

        • Exposing40

          I find the whole thing really fascinating. I’m interested in reading a lot more about cultural differences and also historical trends. Xx

  10. Velvet Rose

    I love this post and the “my arse is in the next postcode” I can completely relate to! I am a big girl presently but even when I have slimmed down my backside takes a while to catch up with me through a door (no I’m not African either!).
    Brilliant post!
    Velvet x

  11. sub-Bee

    It would be wonderful to live in a society that didn’t take offence at the slightest of comments! I’m always fascinated by cultural differences, it truly is a diverse world.

  12. kittykat

    I loved reading this!
    I seriously need to meet up with you two for a couple of glasses (or bottles!) and a laugh!

    • Exposing40

      Sounds like the sort of plan that’s right up my street! Xx

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